Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I need a Nap

I have noticed have not been paying enough attention to the "design" aspect of this here lil' blog. Then... this little site called This is why you're fat gave me some inspiration to create. That is SOOO fucking correct you smart little office monkey.... I made some food. Some gross fucking, heart shrinking, short breath inducing food that is soooo good yet bowel irritatingly bad for you. I present you.... THE CHEESE PULL TACO!!!!!! [yes.. it is a vagina joke]

[click on the image for all of its glorious splendor]

Before you ask yourself "Is that diarrhea wrapped in a soiled crepe shell?" The answer to that question is "You are half correct!". Ok... what I did was take a few flour tortillas and then fried them in a beer-batter [used Heinken... the only beer around in my house. Coors Light is usually my preferred beer of choice.]. Afterwards, letting the tortillas cool down so they could get a nice crunch, I made some shells and cheese [a pack of Velvetta shells n cheese was more than enough] and then added a shit ton of hot salsa [Pace Picante... hot... none of that pussy mild shit]. Then... for the pulled pork, this shit that I got... you can't find in a fucking store. This was made at a farmer's market around my neighborhood. This is the pulled pork Jesus Christ gave up his life for. Fuck all the world sinning and shit. He noticed God had some and was like "Yo dawg I heard you gots some o' dem good pull porky pig yo!". So he jumped on a cross and call ed the crowd gay. Then they stabbed Jesus.... so Jesus could go to heaven. To get the pork. This pulled pork will leave you in a coma after just eating a small portion cause its so fucking good. GOOD I TELL YOU! I took the step further and noticed I still have a good amount of oil in the pan. Like any good American... I didn't let that go to waste. I fucking DROPPED that pulled pork in there and watch that beautiful meat become even more beautiful in that pan of oil. I didn't do that for too long cause, ya know, I am a meat eater and didn't want to be eating shrivelled pork [dick joke]. Topped the tacos with the pulled pork and then added even more salsa and then for good measure.... fresh pepper. I know this isn't THE grossest food imaginable but I am still fucking proud of how god damned good it was. Really, I was fucking surprised... it was pretty good. The crunchy tortilla worked well with the soft shells n cheese and... like I said... the fucking pork is amazing. Unfortunately, I could only eat half of one of them. Maybe I can find some hobos later.... and then eat the rest in front of them. Then, drink a nice cold beer and then wipe the sweat off my forehead with a hundred dollar bill. You know... just so the message gets through. I am better than them.

[STATUS UPDATE] So yeah.... like I said, that pulled pork will put you in a coma. After eating only HALF of one of those tyrannical tacos, I fucking napped so fucking hard I was dead to the world. I fell asleep in my bed, still clothed, drooling out the side of my mouth with little junks o' shells and pork bits. I looked like an O.D. victim. Mmmm... Coma Pork ....mmmmmm.

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