Friday, March 27, 2009

I have to evacuate some shit from my butt-ass.

So yeah, I have returned from Austin [SXSW and shit]a few days ago. Probably like a week ago I dunno I haven't been paying attention to the passing days because I just reminisce about Austin. Yes.... Very cool thing they got going on there but it still is not my beloved New Orleans. Every place can go fuck themselves and their 2 am last call bullshit. All I am gonna tell you is that I had to do some fucking serious power drinking to make sure I was falling in the street by 2 am. I kid, I kid... I was usually drunk by 5 pm... I dont remember much. From what I DO remember... I saw some kick ass bands... and some really shitty ones. Like super shitty. OK just one really shitty band. Horrendous if you will. Here be da rundown yo!


Best show I saw from a band that I have never heard. They had a great sound and they were energetic and wore weird ass multi-color marching band uniforms [also... their name is Heypenny ...come on retards... put two and two together] and had old ass TVs playing weird ass video with some more weird shit on top of that weird shit. A very pleasant surprise for just randomly checking out a band you've never heard before. I enjoy those moments where you feel like you discovered something unexpected... and you did it with a group of friends... which sweetens the pot.

Delta Spirit
I have seen these guys before in New Orleans and thought a few of the songs were pretty good. Honestly played their record maybe only a handful of times and during those times I never really paid attention to it. I think the record sounds decent but not great. Now... after watching them for a second time at Mohawk... they did a much better job and really caught my attention. I still think their record sounds decent... but I am listening to it if that means anything to you. Trashcan is a great song by the way.

The Rosebuds
Played before Delta Spirit. Weren't terrible but not great. Just another band that I sat through with a beer in my hand nonchalantly listening to them. No moving. No nodding with the music. No dancing. Just beer.

OK.... this is a tricky one to actually explain. This was a really free show in a really big open park area. Also... I wouldnt even call what they played through a fucking PA. You could sometimes hear drums and sometimes hear a keyboard making some warbly sound. Anyways, "listening" or "seeing" HEALTH might be a little too unfair to say... but fuck it, you werent there and I can make shit up for whatever reason I want. For instance, I finger popped Natalie Portman. Yeah... in Austin. Don't believe me? How would you know... you weren't there. You don't have a survelliance van that follows me 24/7. Go fuck yourself. Oh... HEALTH has some badass recordings. Check it.

Saw these guys at the Mess With Texas festival thingy or whatever. They didn't suck, but they didn't move me either. It looked like they were kind of phoning it in anyways. I am not terribly familiar with their repetoire but even if I memorized their whole catalog I know for a fact I would still feel like they played a mediocre set.

Abe Vigoda
I saw these guys in a club I believe to be called "Club 1808". Apparently it is in the ghetto part of Austin. I think the people who were telling me this meant where the black people lived. I didn't look ghetto at all. Shit... probably safer in that neighborhood then walking down a street filled with fucking hippies asking for change. Point is... this club was fucking awesome. The minute I walk in the bathroom I see a dude who is missing some teeth, sitting on the faucet smoking a joint and sharing it with some patron who looks to be 15. After taking my piss throughout his tirade on white people and weed... I go back to the main room and see the ocean of people that were surrounding this band. Just... LOTS of warm bodies jumping around and god knows what else. They were good. They were loud. They had a lot of energy. Too bad the next day at Mess With Texas fest they sounded like shit and didn't look like they were having fun. Advice: Try to see this band in the smallest club imaginable.

Not more than a half hour later in the same club [Club 1808... WOOAH!] No Age plays a show in the outdoor area. I dunno whats with Austin... but mostly ever show outside sounded like shit. Like... really shitty. I dunno. Maybe Austin sound-men don't understand wind and birds. So yeah... they sounded like shit... but apparently they are a good band. I was pretty busy drinking beer and taking shots honestly... didn't really pay too much attention to them.

Glacier Hiking

You know what... since I am such a nice guy... I will name drop them. Fuck... I even embedded their super NASCAR music video in this post just so you kids can get a better picture of what these guys look like. Worst. Fucking. Band. Ever. These guys were the dumbest sappiest pieces of shit. They had the worst in-between song banter and even worse lyrical content. "I FUCKING CRIED FOR YOU!". I shit you not. They are like the worst parts of the Killers and diarrhea. My fucking god... I walked away several times, but I HAD to come back and just listen to them emo out and fucking suck. A friend of mine said a very astute observation how their guitar player wants to be Johnny Greenwood. He did. He sucked at it terribly. Their singer... my god... where do I fucking begin. Bowtie. He wore a fucking bowtie and a fucking cardigan sweater vest. I shit you not, me and my friends saw him the next day. Different bowtie, same smug fucking face. I dunno... if I want to fucking look like Doug I would have gone all the way and put the belt around my head and my tighty-whites over my pants. Also... I think hes watched way too many videos of rap-metal singers cause he did some dumb shit with his hands like he was pretending to be some fucking rapper or Brandon Boyd. God. Damn. They suck. If you love music you will friend them on Myspace and send hateful comments to them. Spit on them if you can too.

They were drunk. Really drunk. F+

Explosions in the Sky
Once again proving my theory that the sound-guys in Austin don't know what the fuck they are doing for outside venues. I really wanted to see them, but thats all I got to do... SEE. I didn't hear shit, even when they got loud. Granted, I was pretty fucking far away and the place was jam packed with people so I did not feel like fighting the horde of smelly people. On a side note... I think the highlight of this show was waiting in line. My group were about to get in line when all of the sudden, this kid like fucking Spiderman leaps over the fence! I mean.... these fences were fucking tall. What he did was no small feat and it gave me hope for our youth. What was especially hilarious was the security guard. Fat, old and didn't give a fuck. He had his flashlight and shined it onto the kid as he was running and the look on his face was something along the lines of "Shit! I need to go after that kid. Fuck, hes already too far away." Like a face of failure.

I think there were a few other bands but I can't think of them off the top of my head. I don't want to write anymore. You kids have any memories of SXSW?

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