Friday, July 17, 2009

I WANT SOME FUCKIN FRENCH TOAST!

This has absolutely nothing to do with French Toast. In fact... fuck the French. The fact that I am still willing to capitalize their bullshit nationality shows you, the reader, how much of a better person I am than them. I know... I respect people; all people... even the whites, which every time I look in the mirror... I cry. I wish I could own a casino. God... please let me own a casino. In honor of me giving a shit for once, I decided I love Italians. They just fucking rule! I mean... The Departed was great with the whole Boston Irish bullshit, but damn if I don't love me some Goodfellas. So I thought I made a really good recipe for some spaghetti... tell me if I am wrong but I am providing it right now. For me... I like veggies and spicy, in my pasta. There is always something about having fresh veggies in my pasta. Still... it aint gonna be fucking healthy.

Andrew's fucking spaghetti:

i guess this serves two? I dunno... i usually eat it all myself. something for a dinner date. impress your ladies!

INGREDIENTS!

1/2 stick of butter
half tomato - diced
half green bell pepper - chopped
whole onion & dice that shit!
two stalks of celery - chop it like its hot
cayenne powder - you'll know what to do with it
four cloves of garlic - slice it... dont cube it dont fucking dice dont fucking do anything with it except SLICE IT!
Sugar
Black Pepper
Classico Marinara sauce [something with a lot of basil. yeah yeah... I know you fucking aficionados want super fucking duper ingredients but I promise you its only a little bit]
half bag of angel hair pasta.. i dunno how much that is... guess it.
feta cheese motha fucka - Greeks know how to make goat cheese. so good.
oh yeah... meat
a HUGE link of Italian sausage [I used a green onion stuffed link of sausage and I found it particularly great. I guess its up to taste for you kids].. and cut that shit into 1/4" slices [THATS A QUARTER INCH YOU FUCKING UNEDUCATED FUCK FACES]

process:
ooooo... man... I am drunk. I have been having a certain particular week which has allowed me access to my deepest darkest addictions. Thankfully, I have been cigarette free for about a week. Oooo rah! Anyways... I have increased my drinkin' habits! No worries though on your part. OK.... process of making this shit. I remembered....everything.

Ok bitches, get a sauce pan and grab that half stick of butter. Light your stove up at about half flame [I assume 6 or 5 would be good? GE doesn't do no wrong]. First, throw that butter in there and after it melts, throw all your awesome green bell pepper, onion, tomato and garlic [SLICED NOT CHOPPED!]. Let that shit cook in the butter for a good 1/2 hour. Let it absorb the butter, but a good indicator is how snappy the celery is. If the celery has a salty taste yet still has a snap... you are good to go. At this point you should be cooking your pasta. However long it takes is good, but I always like throwing some salt when it boils.

THROW THAT SAUSAGE IN!!! mmmmm.... sausage... nothing is better in life than Italian sausage. So you want to warm up that sausage for a good and long time. After that, under your supervision when the sausage is good and cooked, grab your cayenne powder AND SMOTHER THE TOP WITH IT! Seriously, you wont regret it... you will get a good amount of spice to it and bit of heat. Stir that shit around and then throw a half canister of marinara sauce [bout a cup? maybe?]. Stir it around, get your noodles dry and sbout then you should have some warm noodles and warm sauce. Throw your noodles on a plate, then grab JUST A LITTLE bit of sugar and pepper and cover the bed of noodles with it. Throw the pasta mix on top of that awesome delicious shit! Douse that shit with Greeks only contribution to food [feta]. Ooo.... crazy, I hope that was delicious. If you have questions... dont be a puss. Ask.

1 comment:

  1. Andrew. I truly love you and your ways.

    -Richard

    ReplyDelete